DM etiquette: permission, pace and privacy

0:00 DM etiquette

Imagine someone walking into your living room, uninvited, holding a catalogue. That's how a spammy direct message feels. Now imagine a friend you invited round, who remembers what you asked about last week. That's how a good one feels. In this lecture you'll learn the single most important rule of selling in DMs, a seven-step permission flow, how DM norms differ across Pakistan, the UAE, Saudi Arabia, the UK and the US, and where automation and AI help or hurt.

0:35 Why permission matters

Why is this so important? Because DMs are personal space. A bad message doesn't just fail. It damages the trust you've built in public, it can be reported as spam, and platforms can restrict accounts that send too many unsolicited messages. In some contexts, unsolicited commercial messages can also conflict with electronic-marketing and data-protection laws. So the core rule is simple. Sell in DMs only when the other person has invited the conversation. Permission is everything.

1:08 Inbound vs outbound

Let's separate two kinds of message. Inbound messages are when someone messages you first. Where did you get that? Does your code work in Qatar? These are warm. They've asked for help. Outbound messages are when you message someone first, and they need far more care. Here's a safe principle. An outbound message should continue a conversation that already exists in public, like a question someone left under your post, and it should ask permission before sharing anything commercial. Think of it like a shop assistant. Answering someone who asks is service. Following a browser round the shop reciting prices is pressure.

1:52 Seven-step flow

Here's the seven-step permission flow. One, a trigger: someone comments, price, or is this good for sensitive skin? Two, a public reply, so others benefit too: great question, it's fragrance-free, I'll message you my full routine if that's OK? Three, permission: they say yes, or they message you. Four, understand: ask one or two questions before recommending anything. Five, recommend honestly, including this might not be right for you. Six, offer the code or link, with disclosure. Seven, close the loop: let me know how it goes, and follow up once, later, if appropriate.

2:33 Example 1: Ayesha and Sara

First example, the simple one. Sara asks under Ayesha's reel whether the gel works in humid weather. Ayesha replies publicly, then asks, happy to share what I've found, if that's useful? Sara says yes. In the DM, Ayesha asks one question: is your skin more oily or dry? Sara says oily. Then the recommendation: I've used it through a Karachi summer and it didn't feel greasy on me. Just so you know, I'm a paid partner of the brand. My code gives ten per cent off on their official site until Sunday, and they accept returns within fourteen days. If your skin were very dry, I'd suggest the cream instead. Permission, a question, honesty, disclosure, a way out.

3:24 Example 2: Hamza, London → Dubai (illustrative)

Now a realistic business scenario, with illustrative details. Hamza is a sales manager at a payroll software company in London that also sells in Dubai. Someone from a Dubai hospitality group comments on his LinkedIn post about end-of-service gratuity calculations. Hamza replies publicly with a helpful answer, then sends a connection request with a note: thanks for the question on my gratuity post; happy to share the checklist we use, if useful. Once she accepts and says yes, he sends the checklist, with no sales pitch attached. Two weeks later she asks whether the software handles it automatically. Now, and only now, he suggests a short call. Illustratively, conversations started this way turn into meetings far more often than his cold messages ever did.

4:18 Cultural tendencies (not rules)

Culture matters in DMs, so here are tendencies worth respecting, remembering that individuals always vary. In Pakistan, conversations are often warm and relationship-first, languages mix, and WhatsApp is the default business channel. Don't jump straight to price. In the UAE, the audience is highly international, English and Arabic both work, and most private companies work Monday to Friday. In Saudi Arabia, many buyers are Arabic-first, the weekend is Friday and Saturday, and formal greetings and titles are appreciated. Avoid commercial pushes at prayer times and on Fridays. In the UK, people tend to be direct but polite and dislike the hard sell. In the US, people are often comfortable with explicit asks, as long as you're clear and quick. And everywhere, respect Ramadan hours.

5:12 Watch me do it: cold DM rewrite

Watch me do it. I'll rewrite a cold message that breaks every rule. Before: hi dear, smiley face, check out this amazing offer, a link, use my code for twenty per cent off, three exclamation marks. What's wrong? No permission. No context. Over-familiar greeting. Link in the first message. No disclosure. Now the rewrite. First, I only send it if this person asked something in public. Second, I reference their question: you asked under my reel whether the gel works in humid weather. Third, I ask permission: happy to share what I've found, if that's useful? No worries if not. That's it. No link. No code. The commercial part waits until they say yes, and then it comes with a disclosure.

6:05 Automation and AI

What about automation and AI? Scheduling tools and saved replies are fine. Mass unsolicited messages and unofficial auto-DM bots are not. Meta allows some automated messaging on Instagram and Facebook through its official APIs and approved partners, but unofficial bots can get accounts restricted, and every automated flow still needs opt-outs and disclosure. If you use an AI assistant to draft replies, read every single one before sending. And never let it pretend to be you in a personal conversation without your review. You are accountable for every word.

6:44 Privacy and security

Now privacy and security, which protect both your buyers and you. Never ask for payment details in a DM. Buyers should always pay on the brand's official checkout, and if anyone asks you to take card numbers or bank transfers in chat, treat it as a red flag. Keep personal data minimal. Don't collect phone numbers, addresses or identity documents unless the process genuinely requires it and the person understands why. Data-protection laws, such as the UK and EU versions of the GDPR and the personal-data laws in the UAE and Saudi Arabia, apply to many sellers, even small ones. Don't share screenshots of private conversations without consent, and blur names and photos if you have permission. And watch for scams. Fake brand managers and phishing links target creators too. If a collaboration offer asks you to log in through a strange link, don't.

7:47 Common mistakes

Common mistakes. Mass-messaging followers with links. Sending voice notes or calls uninvited. Chasing more than once: hi, did you see my message, offer ends soon. Asking for payment details in DMs, when buyers should always pay on the official checkout. Collecting phone numbers, addresses or ID without a genuine need. And sharing screenshots of private chats without consent. How will you know you're getting it wrong? Track blocks and please stop messages every week. A rising rate is your early warning.

8:22 Recap + try this now

Recap. Sell in DMs only when invited. Reply publicly first, then ask before moving private. Ask a question before you recommend, recommend honestly, disclose, and follow up once at most. Adapt to cultural norms, and keep automation official and reviewed. Your try-this-now action: write your own versions of the permission message, the recommendation with disclosure, and the single follow-up, in your own voice, and save them as templates. Next, we'll turn your comment section into your best sales channel.