---
title: "Managing up: working effectively with your manager"
description: "Why \"managing up\" matters Your relationship with your manager strongly affects your performance, development and wellbeing. Managing up does not mean…"
url: https://optimizeall.com/learn/leadership-and-communication/managing-up
updated: 2026-10-05
---

Leadership & Communication · Stakeholders and influence · lesson 12 of 21 · 12 min

# Managing up: working effectively with your manager

## Why "managing up" matters

Your relationship with your manager strongly affects your performance, development and wellbeing. **Managing up** does not mean flattery or manipulation. It means understanding your manager's goals and working style, and taking responsibility for making the relationship work for both of you, and for the organisation.

## Understand your manager

- **Goals and pressures:** What are they measured on? What keeps them up at night? Who do they report to, and what does that person expect?
- **Working style:** Do they prefer detail or summaries? Written or verbal? Scheduled meetings or quick check-ins?
- **Strengths and blind spots:** Where can you complement them?
- **Decision-making style:** Do they decide quickly or need time and data?

Ask directly: "How do you prefer to receive updates? What does great look like in my role this quarter?"

## Agree expectations

Misaligned expectations cause most manager–employee friction. Agree:

```
Expectations conversation (quarterly)
1. My top 3 priorities this quarter (and what is not a priority)
2. How success will be measured
3. Decisions I can make alone vs where you want to be consulted
4. How and how often we communicate (updates, 1:1s)
5. Support I need from you
6. My development goals
```

## Keep your manager informed

- **No surprises:** tell your manager about problems early, especially anything that could reach their own manager.
- **Bring solutions:** "Here is the issue, here are options, here is my recommendation."
- **Summarise clearly:** use BLUF in updates.
- **Close loops:** confirm when you have completed what you promised.

## Disagreeing with your manager

Disagreement handled well strengthens trust.

1. Choose the right setting (usually private).
2. Show you understand their view: "I understand the goal is to launch before the holiday."
3. Share your concern with evidence: "Testing shows the checkout fails under load; launching now risks lost sales on the busiest days."
4. Offer alternatives: "We could launch to 20% of customers first."
5. Accept the decision if it is theirs to make, unless it is unethical or unlawful, in which case use appropriate channels.

## Asking for what you need

Be specific: "I'd like to lead the next client workshop to build facilitation skills. Could I co-lead with you on the March one?" Managers often want to help but do not know what you need.

## Working with a difficult manager

Some managers are disorganised, micromanaging or poor communicators. Strategies:

- Adapt to their style where reasonable (e.g., more frequent updates for a micromanager, which often reduces interference).
- Clarify expectations in writing after conversations.
- Seek mentors and sponsors elsewhere in the organisation.
- If behaviour becomes abusive, discriminatory or unethical, use HR or other formal channels; this is not a "managing up" problem.

## Worked example

*Illustrative.* Hassan, an analyst at a fictional consultancy in Dubai, felt his manager constantly checked his work and changed his slides at the last minute. In an expectations conversation, he learned his manager had been criticised by a partner for errors in a previous client deck and was anxious. Hassan proposed sharing a draft two days before deadlines and using a checklist for numbers. The last-minute changes stopped, and his manager began delegating more client-facing work to him.

## Hands-on: a manager user guide, a weekly update and a disagreement script

**1. "Working with my manager" notes** (private; fill in from observation and by asking):

```text
Preferred channel and response time:        (e.g. chat for quick, email for decisions)
How they like updates:                      (bullets weekly / only exceptions / dashboards)
What they're measured on this year:
What keeps them up at night:
How they make decisions:                    (data first? peer views? quick instinct?)
Topics where they want to be involved early:
Topics they're happy to hear about afterwards:
```

Better still, ask directly in a one-to-one: "How do you like to receive updates, and what would you want to hear about before it happens?"

**2. Weekly update (5 minutes to write, 1 minute to read):**

```text
Subject: Weekly update — [team/project] — w/c [date]
Headline: on track / at risk / off track — one sentence why
Done this week:     • ...
Next week:          • ...
Risks & asks:       • [risk] — my plan — what I need from you (by when)
FYI (no action):    • ...
```

**3. A disagreement script (private conversation, before the decision is final):**

```text
"Can I share a concern about [decision]? I want it to succeed."
"What I'm seeing is [evidence]. My worry is [risk/impact]."
"Could we consider [alternative or mitigation]?"
"If you still prefer the original plan, I'll support it fully." (disagree and commit)
```

If an instruction would be unethical, unsafe or illegal, the script does not apply: use your organisation's speak-up or whistleblowing route.

## Common mistakes

- Waiting for your manager to set up every conversation.
- Hiding problems until they become crises.
- Complaining without proposing solutions.
- Assuming your manager knows your career goals.
- Disagreeing publicly in a way that undermines them.

## Quick self-check

Can you state your manager's top two priorities this quarter and how your work contributes? If not, ask in your next one-to-one.

## Managing up across cultures

Expectations of managers and employees vary. In some workplaces, particularly more hierarchical ones, openly disagreeing with a manager in a meeting may be seen as disrespectful; raising concerns privately and framing them as questions ("Would it help if we also considered…?") may work better. In flatter cultures, managers may expect direct challenge. Observe how respected colleagues interact with senior leaders and adapt accordingly while keeping your integrity.

## Building a wider network

Your manager should not be your only source of support and sponsorship. Build relationships with mentors, peers and leaders in other teams. A broad network gives you perspective, opportunities and resilience if your manager changes.

## Video lecture: Managing up: working effectively with your manager

Lecture coming soon · 13 chapters · about 8 minutes. Read the full transcript below.

1. Managing up
2. Why it matters
3. Understand your manager
4. The co-driver
5. Expectations and updates
6. Disagreeing well
7. Worked example 1: Ahmed and Saima (illustrative)
8. Worked example 2: Aisha in Dubai (illustrative)
9. A difficult manager
10. Watch me: the weekly update
11. Measuring success
12. Common mistakes
13. Recap and try this now

## Lecture transcript

### Managing up

Here's a question. What does your manager worry about when they can't sleep? If you're not sure, you're not alone. Most of us spend a lot of energy on our own work and very little understanding the person whose support we need most. Managing up isn't flattery or office politics. It's building a working relationship with your manager so you both succeed. In this lecture, you'll learn how to understand your manager, agree expectations, keep them informed, disagree well, ask for what you need, and cope with a difficult manager.

### Why it matters

Why does this matter? Because your manager influences almost everything about your working life: your priorities, your resources, your development, your visibility and often your next role. A good relationship means you get support earlier, your ideas get a fair hearing, and problems are solved before they grow. A poor one means surprises, frustration and missed opportunities on both sides. And remember: your manager has a manager too. Helping them succeed is part of how you succeed.

### Understand your manager

Here's the concept. Start by understanding your manager as a person with their own goals and pressures. What are they measured on this year? What does their boss expect from them? How do they prefer to communicate: quick chat messages, detailed emails, or a weekly meeting? Do they want to be involved early in decisions or only hear about outcomes? How do they make decisions: data first, instinct, or peer views? Here's the key idea. Don't guess. Observe, and then ask directly. Most managers are glad to be asked.

### The co-driver

Here's an analogy. Think of a rally driver and their co-driver. The co-driver doesn't drive, but they read the map, call out the bends early, and warn about hazards before they're visible. A good co-driver speaks in the format the driver needs, at the right moment. Too much talk is distracting. Too little is dangerous. Managing up works the same way. You help your manager navigate by calling out what's ahead, early and concisely, in the way they can use.

### Expectations and updates

Next, agree expectations and keep your manager informed. Agree your top priorities, how success will be measured, how much autonomy you have on different kinds of decisions, and how often you'll meet. Write it down and check it every quarter. Then keep them informed without overwhelming them. A short weekly update works well: headline status, what's done, what's next, risks and what you need. And follow one golden rule: no surprises. Bad news early is a problem shared. Bad news late is a crisis, and a trust problem.

### Disagreeing well

Now disagreement. Good managers want to hear concerns, as long as they're raised well. Do it privately, before the decision is final. Frame it around shared goals: I want this to succeed, so I want to share a concern. Bring evidence, not just feelings. Suggest an alternative or a way to reduce the risk. And then, if they still decide differently, support the decision fully, unless it's unethical, unsafe or illegal. In that case, use your organisation's speak-up routes. Asking for what you need works the same way: specific, in their terms, with a proposal.

### Worked example 1: Ahmed and Saima (illustrative)

A simple worked example. Ahmed, an accountant at a firm in Lahore, feels his manager, Saima, keeps checking his work in too much detail. Instead of complaining, he asks her in their one-to-one: what would help you feel confident in the monthly reconciliations? She explains that a previous error embarrassed her in front of the partner. They agree a simple checklist and a two-line summary with each reconciliation. After two months, she stops checking line by line. Ahmed got autonomy by understanding her pressure, not by fighting it.

### Worked example 2: Aisha in Dubai (illustrative)

Now a realistic business scenario, illustrative. Aisha is a project manager at a construction consultancy in Dubai. Her new director prefers detail by email, while her old one liked quick calls. Early on, she discovers a subcontractor delay that will push a milestone by two weeks. Instead of waiting until she has a fix, she emails him the same day: headline, impact, two options, and her recommendation. He picks her option and briefs the client himself before the client hears it elsewhere. Later, he tells her that was the moment he started trusting her judgement.

### A difficult manager

What if your manager is genuinely difficult: disorganised, absent, or a micromanager? Start with curiosity. Is there a pressure behind the behaviour? Then adapt: for a disorganised manager, send short summaries of what you agreed. For an absent one, propose a regular fifteen-minute slot and bring a decision list. For a micromanager, over-communicate early to build confidence. Build a wider network of mentors and peers too. And if the behaviour becomes bullying, discriminatory or unethical, it's no longer a style issue. Document it and use HR or speak-up routes.

### Watch me: the weekly update

Watch me do it. I'm writing an illustrative weekly update for my manager. Headline: at risk, because the vendor has delayed the data export by a week. Done this week: user testing complete, three fixes shipped. Next week: final training materials. Risks and asks: vendor delay, my plan is to move training earlier, and I need you to approve two hours of overtime by Wednesday. FYI: the client praised the new dashboard. It takes me five minutes. I read it once from my manager's point of view and delete one sentence that's only there to make me look busy.

### Measuring success

How do you measure it? Your manager rarely surprised by you. Fewer revisions on your work. More autonomy over time, meaning more decisions at higher levels without checking in. Your manager bringing you into discussions earlier. And your development goals actually being discussed and supported. Once a quarter, ask: what's one thing I could do that would make your job easier? It's a powerful question, and very few people ever ask it.

### Common mistakes

Common mistakes. Expecting your manager to read your mind. Waiting to be asked instead of offering updates. Hiding bad news until you've fixed it. Disagreeing in public meetings. Arriving with problems and no proposals. Complaining about your manager to their peers. And, the flip side, trying to please by saying yes to everything, then missing deadlines. Managing up is about honesty and partnership, not keeping your manager comfortable.

### Recap and try this now

Let's recap. Understand your manager's goals, pressures and preferences, by observing and asking. Agree expectations in writing. Send concise updates, and never let them be surprised. Disagree privately with evidence and alternatives, then commit. Ask for what you need in their terms. With a difficult manager, adapt, build a network, and escalate genuine misconduct. Your try this now: fill in the working with my manager notes from the lesson, and send your first five-minute weekly update this Friday. Next module, we'll move to presentations and storytelling with data.

## Key takeaways

- Managing up means understanding your manager's goals and style and making the relationship work.
- Agree priorities, success measures, decision rights, communication and support each quarter.
- No surprises: raise problems early with options and a recommendation.
- Disagree privately with evidence and alternatives; use formal channels for unethical behaviour.

## Try it

Hold an expectations conversation with your manager using the template, and write a one-page summary of what you agreed.

- [Previous: Influencing without authority](https://optimizeall.com/learn/leadership-and-communication/influencing-without-authority)
- [Next: Structuring presentations that persuade](https://optimizeall.com/learn/leadership-and-communication/structuring-presentations)
- [All lessons of Leadership & Communication](https://optimizeall.com/learn/leadership-and-communication)